Friday, December 4, 2009

Angry Letter Draft

Dear Senator Inouye,

I am a good student and I try my best to keep up my work for all my classes. I do my work and really try while I am playing sports for my school. I feel that the furlough days are taking education away from all students and taking away money from the teachers, especially the ones that really need it. Teachers don't really get paid that much and they deserve to not get money taken away from them; they do a really good job teaching us students and helping us learn to the best of our ability.

I have had bad experiences with the furlough days, especially in my classes. Being in high school, we need to keep up with all of our classes in order to graduate and maybe even get scholarships for college. I have been having a hard time in my classes, especially math because I am in the tenth grade and in Algebra 2. We don't get to see each class everyday and the furlough days take away class time. Less time in class means that we have more things to go over in a certain amount of time. Every class has to cram the lessons together so that we learn what we need to learn by the end of the quarter. Because we have 6 classes, I already had a hard time before the furloughs because of having a lot of homework and multiple projects at once. There is just little time with so many things to learn. In my math class, we have to learn multiple lessons in one day, and I do stress over that because my brain needs time to process one lesson at a time and being able to learn how to solve each problem and knowing what formula to use, it takes a while for me to memorize everything. I don't always understand how to do everything, and it is very difficult because I don't always have time to get help from my teachers and I can't go to after school tutoring because I have to go to practice. What makes it worse is that lately I have been very sick, too sick to attend school. I can't keep up with everything because while I am at home trying to get better, at school there are other things that I need to learn and study so that I can pass my final exam.

I do have many problems with the furlough days and I am pretty sure that a lot of other students are going through the same problem as me, or maybe even worse. Having to deal with this and going through so many fustrations doesn't help our daily lives and furloughs don't make it any better. Parents also don't like furloughs because they have to work and now they have to worry about where they are going to take their children so that they know that their children are safe as they go about it and go to their daily jobs.

Furloughs should be taken away and put the school days back to normal so that all us students, parents, and teachers. Teachers should get their pay back and the government should maybe take away jobs that they think are useless or maybe take money from other saving bonds that are not being used as much. Education is important and teachers are helping the students get their education. Taking away one day of the week is taking away an extra day of education.

Thank you for understanding and maybe there can be things to be done to take away the furlough days.

Sincerely,
Jisel K. Liboy

3 comments:

  1. Jisel,
    your angry letter says much about how you can't have the furlough days because of the lack of time of school work and squeezed amount of lessons in one day. Your body is good and explains clearly about you and your struggles but in the next paragraph you should add on how special ed students need them too (they talked about that one the news one time) if that was added in then this letter would have an impact. As for the last paragraph, which I'm guessing is your conclusion, the 1st sentence seems to be missing another part to it (sentence fragment?) and your last few sentences are strong :)
    Have fun doing your revision! :)

    -thea

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Jiz,
    I like how you start off with giving some background to show that you are legit and hardworking student that has a problem with the furloughs. Good detail on how it affects you and others personally.
    However i think your ending should be improved to make a bigger impact. I think you should look more research on alternatives to furloughs and where are better plaes to take the money from.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Jisel,

    Thoughtful job on your letter. I agree with your teammates that you did a good job of describing yourself and your situation, so that your comments would be taken seriously.

    I also agree with Amber on finding researched alternatives to furloughs. You should be able to get info in the local newspapers.

    I would also suggest that you be a little more specific on your math difficulties. You mention the specific class but if you can name the specific concepts or processes that you are learning, I think that would have more impact.

    mrs s

    ReplyDelete