Gazing at the ocean
Looks back,
Turns around
And continues to run
Run from the love
That is chasing after
Finally,
Exhausted, Breathless
Sits down on the warm sand
Glances at the sea
Who could that be?
Someone is coming!
Worried, yet scared
Founded on the shore
Brought back
To the one in search
Happy, Thrilled
To be
In the arms of love.
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ReplyDeleteHi Jizz. Your poem is cute :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know who or what your goddess was. At first, It seems as if you're running away from someone who's trying to pursue you. & after some thought, you return and are content with that person.
I googled your goddess after reading your poem so that I would have a clear idea of what embodiment of Amphitrite you werr trying to portray.
You did pretty good job. Since Amphitrite is the goddess queen of the sea, "Gazing at the ocean" makes me think of a queen looking amongst her kingdom. You're in track right ? The running part suits you. & "exhausted" and "breathless" complements a runner.
I think you could probably add more of yourself into the poem. It seems like a human version of Amphitrite. Unless the story of Amphitrite perfectly suits you, which I doubt because I know theres more to your life than that Jizz. You're an exciting person. Show it in your poem, it should be easy for you. Just think about your life, and what could possibly fit into this "love story" ? I don't know. haha, Good job <3 :)
- Daryenne'Noel
Jisel,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your poem. I looked up your goddess and it said that your goddess's name was derived from the Greek words that mean "the surrounding third". You could put something about a third anything. For example, third place for your ranking. I visualized your poem was about the sea, running, and love. So is your love about the ocean and running? Or about running away from love that you don't want to be caught in? Also you should add more details about yourself in the poem. if you did then it'll catch the readers attention more. Have fun making your revision. (:
-Thea Marie,